I’m aware that if you don’t already have kids, perhaps at home date night ideas don’t sound all that sexy. The likelihood is though, if you’re reading this blog, then you probably do already have kids, or you’re about to. Children, particularly newborns, change your life. I don’t mean that as a bad thing at all! I love being a Mum. Every child we add to our family is a blessing. But there is no denying that children change things. We love date nights. Both my husband and I have long days. Typically his working day starts at 6am. He has a pause for the kid’s bath time and our dinner. And then he’s back at it until 10pm or 11pm at night.
As I’m currently a working stay-at-home Mum. My day starts at 5am. After the kids are in bed, dinner is made and cleaned up, then my professional work begins. Like my husband that can take me late into the night. We are undeniably busy people. If we didn’t schedule date nights we might never see each other!
The thing is when you have kids, you can’t just go out whenever you feel like it. We have hit the jackpot when it comes to a babysitter. Our wonderful sitter is excellent with our girls and very reliable. But here’s the thing, she’s so good that she’s in demand. She is often booked up weeks in advance. It also adds quite a big additional expense to our nights out.
We try to have two date nights a week. This ensures that we actually get some quality time together around our busy schedule. One of those dates will probably be out of the house with the use of our sitter. The other is often an at home date night idea.
If you are going to do date nights at home, you need to be pretty intentional about it. We will often get dressed up. I will at least refresh my make up. If my husband is in charge (he often is), then he will pick us up some food. I might cook us a special meal, including dessert.
Then often we will do an activity. The aim is quality time, and for it to feel special. I’m not talking about a take-away and binge watching something on the TV. The five at home date night ideas listed below have been some of our favourite nights together. Ideas to get the romance flowing. To have some quality time and fun together. Hopefully you will enjoy them too!
Want to skip ahead? See my 5 best at home date night ideas here.
Welcome to my Mom Blog Hennys Home
I’m Olivia Henny, wife, homemaker and Mum living in the Northeast of England. In October 2021 my boyfriend proposed and on Christmas Eve we got married at the church across the road.
Three weeks after our wedding we found out that we were expecting. Just a few weeks before my due date we moved house. Relocating from our terrace house in the city, to the Northumberland countryside. As we unpacked the last box I went into labour (a week overdue).
We had our first daughter by a natural home birth using a private midwife (without using the NHS). We now have two daughters. Having already done two-under-two, we’re about to add a third baby to the chaos that is our home. And I couldn’t be more excited!
You can read more about our story here.
Follow along as I share the highs and lows of my motherhood and homemaking journey.
Why at Home Date Night Ideas for New Parents?
There are a few very good reasons to do at home date nights. Here are some of the top ones:
Going Out is Pricey!
Firstly going out is expensive. We live in the countryside. Normally, going out means a 20 to 30 minute drive. So we have the cost of fuel or a taxi there and back.
Eating out in general is expensive. So you have the cost of dinner and drinks. Throw in any sort of activity and your cost goes up again.
Then, when you have children, you have to consider the cost of a babysitter. At home date nights can save you a lot of money!
Before having children, we lived in the city. We could walk to most of our date night destinations. We often did to burn off some of our date night food. We didn’t have to even think about babysitters. Now things are different. Even our availability is different. Which leads me on to my next reason for at home date nights…
Time
We have less and less time. My husband’s hours have increased, and I am now caring for children as well as working. My homemaking responsibilities have increased. Simon’s financial responsibilities have increased. Between exercise, work, children and the tiny bit of socializing we squeeze in, we’re left with little free time. So we have to make the absolute best use of the time we have.
Honestly, as I am writing this I am in a hard season of motherhood. I’m tired. I’m pregnant. I have an active toddler. I also have a baby who is just turning into a toddler, but is really still a baby. I’m tired. Did I mention I’m tired? It is so easy to get in bed. To turn on a film and for Simon and I to be asleep in 10 minutes. Don’t get me wrong sometimes we do that! But if we really want to keep the romance alive. If we really want to make the most of our time together before our third baby comes… then sleep must be sacrificed.
In our current season, I could honestly say “I’m too tired” every single night. I think it’s very easy to get into that habit. Especially if your babies don’t sleep through the night. Sometimes it has to be said. But for the sake of your marriage and your happiness. Sometimes sleep must be sacrificed!
I think at home date night ideas are a great option. You are at home already. You can start date night as soon as the kids are in bed. Dinner, wine, an activity. You will probably get both quality time and sleep!
We don’t currently have a newborn, but we will soon. Newborns tend to throw a spanner into your well scheduled works! Suddenly you have a baby without a bedtime. A baby who could wake at any moment. You definitely won’t be sleeping uninterrupted through the night. At home date nights really are your only option.
We have tried it. Tested it. It works. Perfect? No! Workable? Yes! You can still have a special dinner (you just might need to order in). You can still do a little activity. You just might have a newborn strapped to you. Then you can still snuggle up together. You just have to accept that you will be interrupted a few hours later by a hungry newborn cry. But time, quality time together… still possible!
Finding and Trusting a Babysitter
Finding a good babysitter is hard! We’ve had a few. Now we have super-Pam. We love super-Pam. We trust super-Pam. I can leave the house with full confidence that there is no situation that she can’t handle. That the girls will be absolutely fine.
We started using super-Pam when I was pregnant with our second daughter. She started to look after both my toddler and new baby much sooner than I had thought. I felt so comfortable with super-Pam, that actually leaving the house without our newborn for (shorter date nights) was possible.
Our baby was probably about eight weeks old when I started to leave her. I realise that is very early. I know many Mums who would understandably just not feel comfortable doing that. But we had a relationship with super-Pam. She is the embodiment of calm. She had plenty of my breast milk to hand. All the newborn soothing devices. And such a comfortable attitude towards managing both a toddler and a newborn baby; that we felt happy to leave Primrose in her care for a few hours. It gave both of us a much needed break and some quality time.
Obviously super-Pam is in high demand. We tend to go out mid-week as it’s easier to book her, than a Friday or Saturday night. But it works for us. We do have some family near(ish). But they’re not so close that it is easy for them to come for a few hours in the evening. That would be asking too much. They’d need to stay the night, and that changes the dynamic. So we need a babysitter.
Finding a really trustworthy babysitter is hard. Its the process of trial and elimination. Paying for a babysitter is expensive! And then even when you have a babysitter, they’re not always available. They have lives too!
So at home date night ideas it is! And it does work. It can save you both time and money.
Romance
When you become new parents, it’s easy to let the romance die. Especially after having a baby. I know that as a woman, I often don’t feel my best in this period. I’m tired. I don’t like my postpartum body (yes, its okay to say that!). My boobs are leaking milk. I might still be bleeding. I’m heavier than usual. I don’t feel like myself.
Whenever you have a baby, I think there is a relatively short period where you feel lost. You’re figuring out a new way of being. You are keeping a tiny baby alive. It takes time to feel like you again. These are all very legitimate feelings. So it’s very easy to not feel sexy. To not feel romantic. And to downgrade the importance of your marriage. Your focus is on your new baby and finding your old self.
I would imagine that from my husband’s perspective that this is a hard stage. I know that in this stage Simon has told me many times how beautiful I am. I think to him all my insecurities about my body, are just that. They’re mine. He still sees the wife that existed probably just weeks ago, before the baby came. Then bam! In my mind she’s lost for a while. Its a strange time. And it’s easy to let the romance die.
My husband feels just as we did mere weeks ago (albeit a bit more sleep deprived), but suddenly I’m different. If you are a first time parent I can assure you that this stage/feeling is fairly short-lived. I found myself again quite quickly after my first baby. It took longer second time round. Third time’s the charm… maybe. I’m preparing and planning differently this time. Just to stack the odds in my favour. But that sense of losing yourself (I think is inevitable). It’s just how you handle it, that you can control.
One of the ways to handle it is to strategise and plan some romance. Sexy? Probably not that sexy to say that you have plan it, even force it. But for all the reasons I have aforementioned, when you have a new baby, you could put off romance forever. Plan it. Make it happen. Do put some pressure on yourself. Otherwise it won’t happen. It will never be the perfect time.
Your marriage, your romance, your happiness (and yes your s** life), are all really important. Just as important as your baby. Because when you are thriving. When your marriage is thriving. Your kids will thrive. You show up for the day happy. You demonstrate what love and romance looks like. Because love and romance is there in your marriage. Its genuine.
Forcing a few at home date nights to happen. Even with a newborn. Even when you are tired. Even when you are interrupted. It’s worth it! It might feel like a barrier between you and sleep in forethought. But when you’re doing it, you remember how nice it is to share a glass of wine and talk. To connect over a cheese board and a fire. To get outside and toast some marshmallows and talk about your day. Suddenly it’s not forced. It’s magic. You feel like you again. You see what your husband still sees. You take the time to ask about his day, and his struggles. It’s not all about you and the baby again. Magic!
So down to the nitty-gritty. My top five at home date night ideas. Here’s number one…
At Home Date Night Ideas #1 My Husband’s Favourite
This is actually my husband’s favourite at home date night idea! I asked him point blank. This was his response. To any family members reading this… please direct all feedback to my husband. When it comes to S*X I intended to skate around the edges of the word for this blog. But as my husband pointed out, we’re now having our third baby in three years. “People know we’re having sex.” His words. So here goes nothing.
According to my husband, his favourite at home date night is as follows. Pick some food. He likes a cheese board and a nice glass of red wine. Set the fire off (no matter the season). Lay out a fur throw or two. We got ours from John Lewis. (They wash well.)
Cheese, red wine, Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald playing in the background. Just talk, gaze at the fire. And when the moment is right whip out the massage oil. We get ours from Neal’s Yard. Take turns with the massage oil and see where the mood inevitably leads you!
And that’s it folks. My husband’s favourite at home date night. Ladies you’re welcome! (God, I hope my Mum never reads this!)
At Home Date Night Ideas #2 My Favourite
Honestly, we’ve done so many at home date nights now, it was hard to choose. In the hope that my husband reads this I’m going to be cheeky and combine my top two. When he does eventually read this hopefully I’ll be in for the ultimate date night.
I love to cook. I love to experiment in the kitchen. But on the occasional date night it’s very lovely to have the night off. So when my husband pops out before date night to pick us up a locally made pizza or filthy burger and fries, it’s the best! It gives me a chance to unwind and get ready while he’s gone. Knowing that when he returns I won’t be cooking. Instead we’ll have a little indulgence.
When he combines this treat with one of his homemade cocktails I’m in pure bliss. Simon makes the best cocktails! I like short cocktails. Think Manhattans, Martinis, Old Fashioned, Cosmopolitans. He makes them all and well. When I’m no longer pregnant that will be one of my first requests for an at home date night.
I like to eat at the dining room table. A candle for ambiance. Cocktail in hand. Pizza in mouth. Fantastic.
We will then sometimes play a short game. I love this. I love board games. For date night it tends to be a card game, a crossword, or another short game for two. We like Bananagrams, Quoridor, F**k the Game. I like games because we talk, laugh and connect. It gives us time to digest our food. And importantly the TV stays off.
Don’t get me wrong I love a good movie night. But especially when you’re in the newborn phase, you’re tired. A movie on the sofa… well it’s just too easy to fall asleep! A game at the dinner table. You stay in the at home date night zone. And hopefully awake!
So I said I was combining my favourite date nights. Well stage two is a candlelit bath. Pizza and cocktail. A short game. Then upstairs to a candlelit bath. Maybe the cocktail comes too. It doesn’t need to be a long bath. But bubbles and candles. Maybe a little bath oil. My husband’s arms wrapped around me. I can think of nothing better. Out of the bath and into the bedroom. Dot, dot, dot.
At Home Date Night Ideas #3 A bit of fun!
One of our more creative date nights. I picked a cuisine theme. Made some food and drink to match that theme. Along with some light dessert.
I think on this occasion I went Italian. Homemade spaghetti with spicy prawns. Some Italian white wine. Then a lemon posset for dessert. I picked an Italian playlist from Spotify for some background ambiance. A sexy dress. Candles on the table.
Then we went into the living room. Simon lit the fire. We brought our wine and I produced our date night activity. I was hunting around online for something different for us to do and found a couple’s escape room! Obviously this is not an escape room that you travel to. This is a book of puzzles. Each puzzle producing an answer which forms part of the final puzzle. Some of the puzzles were harder than others. But it was a lot of good fun. There was a lot of variation in the puzzles. And it was just a lot of fun. I don’t think we made it through the whole puzzle book in one night. But we made a good start before retiring before the fire.
This is the book I bought, but I think there are lots of version’s online.
At Home Date Night Ideas #4 The Artsy One (That Simon didn’t like!)
I loved this date night idea, and was feeling very smug when I came up with it! Simon’s feedback was that he hated it! I enjoyed it! For the more artsy among you, I shall share what I thought was a fabulous at home date night idea.
Much like the date night above. I set the scene. I picked a cuisine theme and made dinner, dessert and a drink to match. We ate at the dining room table with the candles lit.
After dinner I produced our date night activity. Paint by numbers! I bought us both a paint by number canvas (paints and brushes included) from Amazon here. With drinks and candles we painted and talked. We got about 5% through the activity that night. (And in all honesty have not gotten any further since!) But it was fun! And different. Admittedly the sections you paint are tiny! So a fair amount of concentration is required. But it was different. It produced a few good laughs and kept us talking. (No artistic talents required!)
Simon much preferred the Lego night that I came up with. Just like with the paint by numbers. We had dinner and drinks and afterwards we built a Lego model together! This involved more touching and working together. It was probably the better idea of the two! We are not Lego enthusiasts or anything like that! I just picked a random one that looked hard from Amazon. It has since been given to a charity shop. But it was fun to build something together.
We have also (a long time ago) created clay pots (from a ceramics kit). I of course thoroughly enjoyed myself. Simon again wasn’t a huge fan!
At Home Date Night Ideas #5 The One I’m Planning
So full disclosure, I haven’t tried and tested this one yet! But now the weather is warmer, this is a date night that I’m planning that really appeals to me!
The plan is to go and buy a small fire pit this week! Just a little iron bowl fire pit. We have recently started to tackle the garden and it’s really starting to look lovely out there. I’m going to pull out the outdoor sofa cushions, the fur throws and the sun loungers.
I’m going to buy some nice wine, and put some steaks, king prawns and veg on the BBQ. Then I’m planning on some homemade marshmallows and crackers. My plan is to have an outdoor date night under the stars.
I’ll get the BBQ going. Set up the fire pit. We can have surf and turf in the daylight. And as the sun sets we can star gaze on the sun loungers under fur throws. We can toast homemade s’mores over the fire pit. It doesn’t get more romantic right? I don’t think so.
If my budget was limitless I’d like to buy a projector. I thought it would be cool to hang up a sheet and watch a film out there. Alas projectors are fairly pricey, so I might need to save up for that one!
My 5 Top Tips for at Home Date Night Ideas
1. Set expectations
Set a time. Set a meeting place (kitchen, living room, garden etc.). Set a dress code. Do you need to have a healthy or food light day, because dinner will be calorific? Or will it be a steak night?
I have even sent calendar requests to my husband! I will often ask him to write his date nights on the family calendar. It both builds anticipation and makes it happen.
There’s no simple takeaway and Netflix in your PJs with unwashed hair. THIS IS DATE NIGHT. It’s as much as an event as going out to a fancy restaurant. Setting expectations helps to set the mood and your frame of mind.
2. Choose a theme
Where possible pick a theme. I’m not talking about decorating or anything like that! Will it be a fancy three course meal, followed by a fire, wine and soft French jazz in the background? Or will it be pizza, a fun dessert and fast paced card game? Maybe a fun cocktail on the side? Or will you need to wrap up warm, light up the fire pit, toast marshmallows and gaze at the stars?
I think if you can pick a sort of vibe, a theme, your date will have more of a flow. Find a new playlist. Try some different food or drink. Order a new game. Or maybe so something that you would normally do during the day, like a late night BBQ. If you can set the scene, make it a little unique. It makes it more romantic and more special.
3. Food, food, food
Picking fun and different food is such a game changer. During the newborn phase that might mean ordering or collecting from a new restaurant. This time round, I’m actually planning to prep and freeze some date night food. This is in addition to the normal postpartum freezer meal stash.
I’m going to make and freeze things we haven’t tried before. A risk? Yes. But that’s what makes it special.
4. Set the mood
Lighting. Music. Clothes. Have you washed your hair? Put make up on. Picked a sexy outfit. Setting the mood is often more about my mindset than my husbands. I think I need these things more than he does. Especially in the postpartum period. It helps me to make the mental shift from Mum to Wife. It helps me to feel sexy.
5. Get creative
The more creative you can be, the more special it will be. It will also keep the spark alive. It doesn’t have to be something new or different every time. Just make sure that you don’t fall into a rut. Don’t order the same food. Follow the same theme. The same routine. Date night is about breaking free from the routine. As you will have seen in my husband’s favourite at home date night idea (sorry Mum)! It doesn’t need to be complicated. Just fun. If you can do something silly, new or unexpected it keeps the good vibes rolling.
Now just after having a baby at home date nights might look simpler. You might fall asleep earlier. But showing up. Showing interest. Asking questions. Communicating and getting physical. Don’t underrate that sentiment.
The newborn season can be tough. The little kids phase can be busy and tiring. But making time for each other helps to keep you working as a team. It stops the slip from husband and wife to roommates. No one wants that! It helps to stop any bickering and arguments with no point! It helps to prevent tension and builds on the relationship you had before becoming Mummy and Daddy.
You may have to sacrifice sleep. You may have to plan ahead. You may even need to schedule the time! But it will be worth it! Get creative. Find time together. Talk. Touch. Be together as the couple you were pre-baby, and everyone will reap the benefits!
That’s a wrap for now…
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About the author – Olivia Henny
Olivia Henny is a wife and mother to two young daughters. She is now pregnant with their third child. She lives with her husband in the North East of the UK. Their home is nestled in the British countryside, but not too far from a neighbouring city. Olivia writes from her own motherhood experience. As well as drawing from the experience and advice of other families and Mums, who she has interviewed for certain blog posts. Olivia loves being a mother and wife, and enjoys learning from the experience of other Mums online. Feeling that the online motherhood community has helped her so much in her own parenting journey. She would now like to give something back. Hoping that other Mums will find solidarity, inspiration, laughter and information from her motherhood and homemaking blogs.
Olivia is passionate about food and the health of her family. She already has decades of experience experimenting in the kitchen alongside her late Grandmother. Taking that experience and desire to create wholesome food, she is now sharing her family recipes here. She hopes to inspire other young families to cook from-scratch whole food. She feels that the kitchen is the heart of any home. Food having the power to make memories and bring people together.
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