What is a birth pool? Can you give birth at home if it’s your first baby? What’s a private midwife? Can you have a natural home birth privately in the UK?
These were all questions I asked in 2022 when I found out that I was pregnant for the first time. For my husband and I, we decided that a natural home birth was for us. And we decided to go one step further and use a private midwife. I can honestly say it was one of the best decisions we ever made.
Since then, I have planned a second home birth (which didn’t go to plan). Instead, I had my second baby naturally in hospital in a birth pool with a private midwife. I am now pregnant again and planning my third natural home birth with the same private midwife.
Welcome to my Motherhood Blog Hennys Home
I’m Olivia Henny, wife, and Mum living in the Northeast of England. In October 2021 my boyfriend proposed and on Christmas Eve we got married at the church across the road.
Three weeks after our wedding we found out that we were expecting. Just a few weeks before my due date we moved house. Relocating from our terrace house in the city, to the Northumberland countryside. As we unpacked the last box I went into labour (a week overdue).
We had our first daughter by a natural home birth using a private midwife (without using the NHS). We now have two daughters. Having already done two-under-two, we’re about to add a third baby to the chaos that is our home. And I couldn’t be more excited!
You can read more about our story here.
Follow along as I share the highs and lows of my motherhood and homemaking journey.
My Natural Home Birth Story
For starters… spoiler alert! If you’re reading this while pregnant and worried about another doom and gloom birth story… please don’t. My first birth experience was 100% positive. Even my second birth was a good one (whilst it didn’t go to plan).
Maybe you’re reading this because you’re considering a natural home birth yourself. If you are, I would encourage you to go for it!
Having now had one baby at home and one in hospital. I can tell you that my absolute preference is to be at home. When my husband and I expressed our decision to try for a natural home birth our family were surprised.
How many births take place at home in the UK? Only about 2%! So its hardly surprising that our family questioned our decision. Natural home births are just not that common in the UK.
We chose both a natural home birth and to use a private midwife. Even less common. There are lots of reasons why we chose both to have baby at home and to use a private midwife. You can read about more about our decision in a later blog: Everything You Need to Know About Having a Natural Home Birth with an Amazing Private Midwife.
Basically, the NHS could not guarantee a home birth. Choosing a private midwife was our only way to ensure I had a natural birth at home (all being well). Having a private midwife was fantastic. I had two midwives attend the birth, Debbie and Sarah. Debbie will be my midwife again for baby number three. Debbie was my midwife for baby number two as well! It’s such a special relationship and I’m so grateful for it.
Pregnant for the first time
My first pregnancy was so special. My second pregnancy went by so quickly and was far harder. For the most part my first pregnancy was smooth sailing. At least after the first trimester it was.
The first three months are hard. They just are. They have been for me with each pregnancy. You feel hungover, you have no energy. It’s something you just have to get through. They say in the first trimester you feel dreary. In the second trimester you feel cheery. And in the third trimester you feel weary. To be honest I felt pretty cheery from about 14 weeks. I didn’t really start to feel uncomfortable and weary until the last few weeks of pregnancy… and I went ‘overdue’.
Until then I thoroughly enjoyed my pregnancy. I loved planning for the baby and researching all the baby things. I stayed healthy and had few complaints! It wasn’t until the bitter end that my enthusiasm for pregnancy started to wane!
How accurate are due dates anyway?
According to my internet search… not very. Apparently only 4% of babies are born on their due date. There are lots of factors for this. Not all babies will be exactly ‘cooked’ after 40 weeks, and not all menstrual cycles are exactly 28 days long. Your age, previous pregnancies and medical conditions can all affect your due date.
Not that anyone talks about this when you are pregnant. Family, friends, everyone will ask for your due date. You tell them. Your due date comes and goes. Everyday there’s another text message asking if baby is here?
I found my ‘due date’ psychologically hard! As soon as you pass your due date, the first question is always: ‘so when do you get induced?’ Here’s the thing. If baby isn’t here yet, and you are both well, then baby probably isn’t ready to be here yet. They’re probably not done cooking. That’s okay. Only 4% of babies are born on their due date! I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that.
Can you stay pregnant forever?
Instead, I felt like I was a failure. Baby should’ve been here. I was prepped. I was ready. Now I was just letting everyone down. It’s a weird limbo feeling when you are waiting for baby to come, and you go over your ‘due date’. I felt a lot of pressure. Of course, most of that was in my mind. Pregnancy hormones are flowing. Your nervous, scared and excited. It’s a lot.
Well once we were six days ‘over-due’ I lost the plot! I told my husband that we were never going to have a baby. And I started to hide all our newborn baby things in cupboards. I was sick of the sight of them!
If you are reading this while pregnant, maybe already passed your ‘due-date’, please know that your baby will come. No woman has been pregnant forever. I’ve checked!
Your ‘due date’ was probably wrong. I personally know a lot of people who have gone over their ‘due date’. They were advised to get an induction as baby was ‘measuring big’. (Now this is all anecdotal. Just recollections from conversations with people I know. I reckon we are up to about seven Mums now.) But every single one of those Mums had normal size babies. In fact, I think all but one or two were smaller than my baby! So just know that you have options. One of those options being to wait.
Sweeps
My midwives were great. They understood my desire to have my baby. They diligently offered and performed two sweeps at home for me. The sweeps were uncomfortable, not painful.
A sweep is when a midwife sweeps the membrane (which holds baby and the amniotic fluid) away from your cervix. They do this by putting a couple of fingers up your lady bits and sweeping your cervix with them. There are risks, as every time you have an internal examine you risk introducing bacteria. The risk is very small. But a risk all the same.
My sweeps did nothing. Baby was not ready to come. My midwives suggested we leave baby and I alone. That we wait. Baby would come when baby was ready.
For you to go into natural labour baby needs to release oxytocin. I now know they do this from their own pituitary gland. This stimulates Mum’s pituitary gland and labour usually begins. It’s a case of baby (usually) knows best. You just have to be patient and wait.
In the end I was going nuts! My husband had enough. With love and exasperation, he sat me down. He told me I was being utterly ridiculous. To get a grip and relax and baby would come. At first I was not pleased with this intervention. An hour later I saw the light. I told him I was going to go for a walk in the sunshine to take my mind off things. As soon as I relaxed and walked (maybe a few skips on the way back too), labour started!
Am I in labor?
I was a week overdue. I got back from my walk. I still wasn’t 100% sure, but something had definitely changed. I felt some very slight tightenings. Not at all painful. Hardly there. Just little tiny cramps every now and then. At first I wasn’t sure whether to say anything. Maybe it was just Braxton Hicks. I made dinner.
During dinner I told my husband. He said, ‘let’s just wait and see’. He suggested we snuggle up on the sofa after dinner was cleared away and relax. By about 9pm we were pretty sure I was in labour. The tightening continued and progressed a little. I was still very comfortable, but I felt more confident that this was it!
What does it feel like when your waters break?
At around 10pm I felt wet. There was no huge gush of water like in the movies. I just felt wet. I thought there was a definite chance I had peed myself! If you are not pregnant, and have never been pregnant, you may not understand how you can be unsure if you have just done a wee! Well by the end of your pregnancy there is a lot of pressure and weight, and just stuff going on down there. So yes, you can be unsure.
We had thankfully had the foresight to cover our sofa. In reality I don’t think there was even enough ‘water’ to have soaked through. I went to the loo to see if I needed to empty my bladder and to change. I didn’t need the loo, but there was a little ‘water’. Then I got up off the loo and another gush came. Deciding that I was not wetting myself I excitedly went back to tell my husband.
Calling the midwives for our natural home birth
We excitedly texted our midwife to let her know that we thought this really was it! She told us to keep her posted if and when things changed. To relax and try to rest. A difficult feat when you are excited and nervous. But we did our best.
We put another blanket and some puppy pads down on our sofa. We put a big ground sheet on our living room floor and I rolled in the birth ball. The idea being I would move around if I felt the need. My husband also decided it was time to prep the birth pool!
Prepping the birth pool
I had been happily responsible for buying all the baby things. But my husband had been responsible for all things home birth! He took this responsibility seriously. And it was a sensible decision, as it meant we were well prepped.
I will soon release a dedicated blog on everything you need for a natural home birth. We chose to have our baby in a home birth pool. We got our birth pool here.
My husband had already tested it for leaks. He had also made sure that our boiler could handle the amount of hot water. He had timed it so he knew how long we would need to fill the pool. He had checked the hose to tap connections. He had done all the practical things I never would have considered. The day had come, and he got us ready.
Not knowing how long labour would take, we didn’t fill the birth pool. But Simon inflated it. He prepped the water thermometer and the hose and connections. I got out our clothes for when I wanted to get in. I got the baby stuff ready. Simon had our ‘just in case’ hospital bag ready near the front door. He made sure that the car had fuel. I made sure we had snacks out for our midwives in case my labour was long!
We were ready.
How it felt in early stages of a natural home birth
The early stages of labour at home was very enjoyable. My husband and I snuggled up on our sofa and watched our favourite show at the time.
As the intensity of my cramps increased, I asked my husband to apply the TENS machine to my back. It took us a few attempts to get the hang of it. But once the pads were firmly applied to my lower back it worked brilliantly.
A TENS machine is a small device with sticky pads that adhere to your body. I had my husband put them on my lower back. As you feel a contraction you press a button on the connected hand-held machine. The pads then basically electrocute you! Very lightly of course. It doesn’t hurt. Somehow the counter sensation of the electricity takes the edge off the contractions. I found it very effective.
For a long time the TENS machine was all I needed to help with the discomfort. I happily stayed on the sofa watching TV. At some point my husband fell asleep. I began to feel more uncomfortable. I decided it was time to start to move around on the floor, resting and stretching on our medicine ball.
Getting in the birth pool for a natural home birth
Not long after utilising the medicine ball, the discomfort and intensity of the contractions increased. Not wanting to wake my husband, I moved into the kitchen, I used the counter for support as I swayed.
Within 30 minutes I called (loudly!) for my husband. Something had changed. The discomfort suddenly became pain. The intensity of each contraction suddenly felt like it had increased tenfold. I told my husband to fill the pool!
I will double check, but I believe our pool took about 45 minutes to fill. My husband used two hoses. One from the kitchen tap and the other from the utility. I got in whilst it was still running. (I’ll write a blog on everything we tested and prepared for our home pool birth.)
Getting in the pool was instant relief. It seriously took the edge off the pain. What previously felt too intense was suddenly manageable again. I could happily talk between contractions. The contractions came and went. They were intense enough that I could no longer speak through them. But the rest time in between contractions was calm and pain free.
Timing contractions in labour at home?
By 2am I was in the birth pool. The immediate relief of getting in the pool had passed. Suddenly I felt quite sick. I remember not expecting this. I felt sick enough that I asked Simon to get a bucket! I think this feeling lasted for about an hour. I wasn’t sick. But the feeling was unpleasant and not what I had anticipated. (I had no feelings of sickness in my second labour.)
At about 2.30am we rang our midwife. She asked how we were doing and whether we thought she should come. I think the relief of getting in the birth pool had given us a of a false sense of security. We told her to get some more sleep and not to worry yet.
By 3am we had properly started to time the contractions. After a quick internet search Simon realised that we should probably have already told the midwives to come! Our other midwife Sarah was the first to see the message and set off at about 4am. By 4.30am she arrived, followed shortly by our second midwife Debbie.
Using gas and air during a natural home birth
As part of our birth package via Private Midwives we had paid for two cylinders of Gas and Air. The cylinders had been delivered at 37 weeks. But until the midwives got there we weren’t able to use them! The midwives had both the tubing and expertise to set it up.
So at about 5am Sarah and Debbie had set up the Gas and Air and offered me the relief. All I can say, is that by this point I was in active labour. I had little sense of time or what was going on.
In terms of pain, it was intense. From about 4am until the birth of my daughter at 5.40am the pain was extreme and centred in my hips. The only thing that offered any sort of comfort was counter pressure from my husband. Simon had got in the pool behind me. He placed his hands on my hips and squeezed. I needed him to do this with every contraction. I can remember telling him to squeeze harder. I think at first he was scared of hurting me. He soon realised that it really didn’t matter, as the counter pressure was more important.
I remember Simon telling me to breathe. Trying to help me to take steady breaths. I remember him almost shouting, as I kept holding my breath through the contractions. Not what you are meant to do!
When I was given the Gas and Air, I think I managed about one inhale! That was it! I was too far gone. I remember that the mouthpiece was quite handy to bite down on! That was it! I can’t comment on its usefulness or effectiveness as pain management as it was just too late. My focus was entirely on the next contraction. On telling Simon to squeeze harder. That was it.
Pain during child birth
Listen. Childbirth hurts. At least it did for me. As already described, I found the contractions during the end stage of labour so intense! Every single time you question your own ability to get through the next one. This is where your body is just so very clever. You get a break!
Contractions are not continuous. They come in waves. It starts. It builds. You think you can’t do it anymore. That you’re not strong enough. Then it starts to ease. The pain subsides. You come back to yourself. You tell yourself you can do it. That women have been doing it for hundreds of years. That someone else will be doing the same thing right now! Then it builds again. The cycle starts again.
I don’t want to scare anyone by saying birth hurts. But I don’t want to lie either. I found it very painful. Extremely hard. But on reflection, even as I prepare for my third birth. I know that I will be able to do it again. I’m not scared. I’m excited to have the opportunity to have a third baby and another home birth. I know my body can handle birth, as that’s what it has been designed to do.
I know the contractions will be intense, painful. Birth will push me to my limits. But I will do it. And it will all be okay.
Birthing baby’s head!
At about 5.30am the need to push had fully taken over. Suddenly I felt a huge pressure. I think the rest of my waters finally broke and shortly afterwards baby’s head was born.
I remember being worried about ‘pushing’. How would I know when it was time? All I can say is your body knows. Although I definitely did push at the very, very end, I tried to listen to my body. I just went into auto-pilot and let my body do what needed to be done. No one told me to push. You just have an urge that is out of your control. My advice, if wanted, is to listen to your body. Go into auto-pilot and your baby will come.
I know people talk about and fear ‘the ring of fire’! All I can say is I didn’t notice a more intense feeling of fire down below. The contractions all felt intense and painful at this point. I felt no sensation of fire!
The relief after Felicity’s head was born was incredible. The pain hadn’t stopped. The contractions continued. But I knew the end was in sight! I knew with another push or two it would be over. Sure enough, by 5.41am our first daughter Felicity was born weighing 8lb 4oz!
Sweet relief and joy. I’ll be honest the joy was more about knowing that labour was over than it was a rush of love! I was done. That’s all I could keep thinking. I had done it! It was over.
I knew the moment my daughter was born, that she was a girl. I was told. But before I was even told, I knew the answer for certain. Until then I had no inclination what the gender might be. It was a strange feeling. I held my baby girl and basked in the knowledge labour was over! Or so I thought…
Waiting for the placenta…
This was one of the hardest parts of my labour. I know that probably sounds ridiculous after having described giving birth to a 8lb 4oz baby. But it was. The thing is mentally I was done. I had my baby. It was time for childbirth to be over. Mentally I was tapped out.
Now someone was telling me I had to wait and push something else out? No thanks! Didn’t they realise that I had just had a baby? There’s no way I could push anything else out. No way I could physically do another thing. I was done. I wanted out of the pool.
Quite honestly, I wanted someone to take away the crying baby now in my arms. This wasn’t possible as she was still attached to me (as the cord was not yet cut). I wanted out of the now gross birth pool. I wanted to be done!
Simon who had been adoring our newborn, had now exited the pool. I was ready to get out too! Once the cord stopped pulsating it was cut. I asked to get out of the pool. I gave the baby to one of the midwives. Perhaps it seems strange that I could be so detached from our newly born infant. I couldn’t think of anything other than the fact that I was tired, dirty and needed labour to be over. The placenta had to go. I told my midwife this. She recommended that we go to the loo, where the position of sitting would encourage the placenta to detach.
In my appointments that led up to labour and delivery my midwife and I discussed my birth preferences. One of these conversations included the use or exclusion of artificial oxytocin to encourage out the placenta. I had asked how long it usually takes for the placenta to detach. Usually just a few minutes, but it can take on hour or more! At the time of discussing my birth plan, I was all for letting nature takes its course.
After experiencing labour, the use of artificial oxytocin for the purposes of getting the placenta to detach is the one thing I would have changed in my birth plan. A natural home birth… great! Waiting up to an hour (or more) for my placenta to detach… no way! That was just not something that I could mentally handle. In fact in my second birth, I opted for the oxytocin injection. This was partly due to the same feeling of ‘being done’. And partly because I was immediately ready to leave a cartoon shaped hole in the hospital walls! I was that keen to go home!
Finally Feeling the Love
Once the placenta was dealt with, I was ready to be handed my baby. It wasn’t until that moment that I could even really acknowledge that I had a baby. I didn’t really care. I knew she was a girl. I just knew the moment she was born. Beyond that fact, I wasn’t really aware of her. I can’t say that I felt strong feelings of anything. I just kept thinking that I wasn’t done. That the placenta still had to come.
Once the after birth was gone. I was ready. I was ready to look at her. To hold her. My dressing gown was put around me. I was escorted to the sofa. I was handed my little girl. Then. That’s the moment I loved her. I’m telling you this because its not what I pictured. I thought the instant she was born I would love her. I didn’t. But the feeling of love did come. It just came when I was ready.
I hope that if you read this, and you too had a delayed feeling of love for your newborn, you know it’s okay. The rush of love came and came relatively quickly. Within an hour of Felicity’s birth. I can completely understand if that feeling comes even later for other Mums. Maybe it won’t happen until you get home. Or until after you’ve had a sleep. Whenever it happens. Know it will. Know it’s okay if it doesn’t happen instantaneously.
What Happened After my Natural Home Birth?
Honestly, when I think about what happened after having our daughter in the birth pool I feel so happy. Once the placenta was out the way and my dressing gown was on, I think of that time preciously. Simon had showered, so he was tucked up in a robe too. We snuggled together with our new baby girl in our arms on our sofa. It was magic. Just the three of us. Warm, tired and in awe. It was a very special time.
Our midwives left us alone for a good long while. I had a quick internal check for any tears right there on the (well covered) sofa. I had no tears. The check was quick and just caused a little soreness. After that my midwives took Felicity so that Simon could help me upstairs. He helped me to shower and tucked me up in bed. My new baby girl was brought to me along with some tea and buttered toast! (The absolute best!) We had time to take each other in. Time and peace to snuggle.
Simon’s time was less restful as he both brought me the food and helped with the clear up downstairs. Now Simon’s advice to any birth partners reading this… “buy a birth pool liner!”. We did not. Birth is messy (and no I don’t mean poo folks. Although honestly this can be included!) It’s just messy. Our birth pool was not re-useable. At least neither of us wanted to start deep cleaning it in the 24 hours following childbirth. Therefore, it went to tip heaven. Once tidied up downstairs Simon was able to join me and Felicity in our newborn bubble.
Our midwives came up to check on us one more time. Asked if we needed anything and checked on Felicity’s latch. Downstairs we had struggled to get her to latch. Upstairs when the midwives checked on us we had success! Of course as soon as they left we struggled again. We tried a few times, and just couldn’t get her on quite right.
Luckily, my midwife had recommended that I harvest some colostrum in the latter weeks of my pregnancy. I’ll talk more about this in another post. Basically colostrum is the golden, custard-like milk that you produce before your proper milk supply establishes. It contains everything your newborn baby needs to thrive.
Expressing it (if you follow the recommended advice) is quite tricky. I luckily had produced quite a lot and had it saved in small syringes in the freezer. While totally gross, I’m so glad that I did it.
We were prepared. What could have been a very stressful first night, attempting to get Felicity to latch, was made stress-free. Simon defrosted and warmed the colostrum and syringed the ‘good stuff’ into her little mouth.
We tried the latch again an hour later, satisfied that she hadn’t gone without. And after some words of encouragement from Daddy, we had a successful latch, and it was smooth sailing. I’m glad that the midwives had left and that we had the space to figure out this first hurdle ourselves. We had time, and more importantly felt no external pressure. We knew that Felicity had been fed via the syringe, and we could figure things out as a family together.
Having Another Natural Home Birth
My summary of my first successful natural home birth is this… it was brilliant. I loved everything from the privacy, familiarity, to the birth pool. I loved having our baby in our home. I loved getting straight into our bed together. I just loved it all. I completely understand that a natural home birth is not going to be for everyone. You’ve got to do what is right for you.
Having now experienced a hospital birth as well, I know for sure where my preferences lie. I am in no way shaming hospital births. For emergencies, or just if that is your preference, then I think it’s a brilliant thing. It’s just not for me! Nor am I putting down women who utilise epidurals, c-sections, or any form of pain management during labour. I get it! Childbirth is hard. It’s painful. It pushes you. And everyone has different pain thresholds as well as different babies, bodies and birth positions.
Here’s the thing. I didn’t want a medical birth. I didn’t want pain meds, not to prove a point. But because I had heard both sides of aftereffects of childbirth with and without intervention. From the few anecdotal stories I heard, it seemed that after birth, women who had natural births had easier recoveries. I liked the notion of that. It suits my personality, and my beliefs.
Giving birth is hard. It’s not a time to feel pressured or ashamed of the choices that are right for you. Do what suits you. Do what you need to do to feel safe. Where possible strive for the outcome you want. You will only give birth a limited number of times. Maybe only once. Do what you want!
It’s hard when things don’t go to plan. I know that first hand. Trust me that in the end, however you end up holding your new baby… it’s worth it. It’s okay to be disappointed, upset, elated, relived. Nothing is more important than holding your healthy baby. But don’t let that sentiment rule the choices you make. Do what in your gut feels right for your body and your head space. Labour is a mental game. Play it the way that feels best to you!
That’s a wrap for now…
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